Individual Conferences

Tuesday, December 15
Had individual conferences. We split according to White Mountain groups so I was with Beth.  Results below though I don't remember them all. Some of it was good. Some disappointing. I know I had at least one other high pass. Beth said I'm doing really well on the concepts and that I need to improve my technical skills. (I'm reminded of the WRF course bubble.) She knows I'm my own biggest obstacle. Thinks I learned early that I can only learn certain things in a certain way. I told her I could learn them and do them blindfolded. I just need a particular environment where I can go back for reinforcement when I forget; write it down or have someone on hand. But, I was also tested at MHC for learning issues since I could never get past a certain point with languages and needed an alternative. I took Spanish in high school and at HCC and would start off with As and by the 2nd semester start dropping as it became more complicated with tenses etc. until I would be failing. The testing affirmed my learning struggles. With a dismal academic history, when I finally was motivated for college, I adapted my learning so I would be successful. Eventually, bring on the blindfold, damn it.

• LNT-Leave No Trace Principles-High Pass
• Natural History-Pass
• WFR Soap Notes-didn't differentiate between frost nip and frost bite and consequences-Pass
• Risk Management/Ethics-At least a pass, maybe a high pass
• Orienteering-Didn't do it well but learned in the process.  Pass or low pass
• Stoves-Pass
• Rock Climbing-No Pass  sigh
• Tarps-Pass  first time I've actually set one up by myself and relatively properly so that feels like an accomplishment

We've been told that if we thought the fall semester was fast, we ain't seen nothin' yet. I'm taking the full course load next semester including all the electives, so I'd better bone up. Courses will become much more technical in the spring semester since we'll be on instructor tracks. I've questioned why I'm taking all electives. Do I really want to do the rock climbing instructor course in the cold and snow when it was challenging enough in the good weather when we would sweat to get to the site? And, I didn't pass that. But I don't want to quit on it! I told Beth that I want to be able to encourage someone else to climb and rappel. She said she did the same. She would take a group out and meet the technical climber who had already set up the systems. She was there with knowledge about belaying and safety and could be that person to assist and encourage. And, when I don't want to think practically and put limits on myself, I want to be that technical expert. I want to be able to do it!

I've signed out a stove and rope gear over Break. And, I need to climb the classroom wall. The one time I tried it, I just didn't feel strong enough and compared myself to the other monkeys climbing. (Beth has reminded me not to compare to others but to where I started.) I also need to fall purposely in the harness like I did on the Catwalk, so I get used to the feel of hanging and trusting. And I need to ask someone to belay me. I feel like I'm taking up space and time when someone else could be doing it. That is so typical of me and so many women. This is one of my learnings. Take up space in this world, damn it, and without apology!