On Break

On Break, partly through the holidays, and feeling a little loose with no schedule to keep. The time can be freeing if I use it well, including making myself relax. Get ahead on my independent project, presentations for the winter trip, straighten out my place that has developed a semester-crush look, push to get some jobs now since the time to work will be even more limited than the fall semester.

The time can also haunt with thoughts I don't want to consider. I find I'm also getting the senior class thoughts that invade when half the year is over and the realization that the remaining half will thunder down the track paralleling the need to figure out what I'll be doing at the end. . . get the resume primed and sent to all the places I want to apply for jobs. Ugh, reality. When I decided to do this program, my goal was to do the program for reasons not necessarily job related. Can I keep that philosophy? Do I need to figure out all the answers now? Is that even possible? Will I even be able to get a job in the field? Do I want a job in the field?

Back to school 1/19. Winter trip early Feb. I've never been out in the cold day and night. Well, I've never done any of what I've already done this year. I wonder what I'll determine I've learned from all of this. Maybe I just need to prove that I can do it. Maybe I'm just trying to give myself the opportunities I never had, before I can't do them at all. Yep, all that trite just do it, mid-life crisis stuff. I'm actually on the far side of mid-life. Time ain't on my side.

Okay, upside. Anne reminded me once when I was whining that I am not working my desk job. Yes! I did that for myself. I am fully participating in life. I just need to keep participating on Break--even relaxing is participating. It's all about my choices. Make them intentional so that I choose to do whatever I need or want to in a given moment. Moments are time. Moments are my time. This is my time. Choose with intent, even intent to rest.