So, if a picture is worth a thousand words, I wish I had one. I climbed THE "Pamper Pole" today.
This was the swaying pole that Austin mentioned in the fall and that George said was scary enough that you'd need a Pamper as in diaper--hence the name. Climb this pole, stand on top of it and jump out to catch a trapeze. I believe my response was "I just don't see that happening." But in fact, it did happen. In fact, I asked Beth if I could go first.
First things first. Because we are starting instructor level course work, today was to be a review of what we learned in the fall; group leadership, knot tying, set-up and safety awareness of the various high ropes elements, etc. I want to feel that there's something I have a handle on and there's never enough time to experience all the elements and let all the aspects sink in. I decided to go for the Cat Walk again along with Joe, Kristie, and Coquette. While we set-up, Austin showed us a couple of more knots including the Alpine Butterfly. I love this knot! I got it right away. It's easy to see and follow. No big mystery or trying to trace back what goes where. We would use the butterfly, for instance, at the Flying Squirrel where we are tying in a bunch of people to pull up the Squirrel. It made me happy and I kept tying it and again tonight at home while heating cider.Once we were approved with our set-up, we took turns walking the Cat Walk again. I climbed okay but once up was slightly shaky wanting a tight belay. I got across very differently than I had in the fall. This time the pulley was sticky and with sloppy snow on the ground making it hard for Kristie to keep the rope tight and keep her feet planted as she belayed. I had to keep yanking the pulley so I could advance across. Yanking anything never would have happened in the fall. I had to laugh about it and Joe remarked on the difference watching me maneuver across this time. Again, I walked to the far side then went back to the beginning and then back again to the middle, leaned back into my harness with my legs straight out, feet on the beam, dropped below the beam and swung safely as I was lowered.
We dismantled all the elements and broke for lunch. When we came back, we did some review of theory and then were told to grab our harnesses and helmets because we were heading back to the course and up to the Pamper Pole! Oh, tricky. Beth never mentioned this to me on Friday and Austin never said anything this morning.
The infamous Pamper Pole--a telephone pole stuck in the ground with climbing staples jammed into it. I decided to pee before harnessing up doing my best not to need a Pamper. I talked to myself through the woods to the course, holding my medals while walking and then tucking them back in my shirt, cold on my skin so I'd be reminded of their presence and what they represent; awakening, activating, inner powers, victory. While Jen was gone mountaineering last week, she had lent me her book Girl On The Rocks. It's about women rock climbers and ways to climb despite their fear that doesn't disappear. I rationalized with myself as I hiked through the woods toward the infamous. I pulled my intellectual knowledge ahead of my emotional knowledge and reminded myself that I would be safe. I know that the equipment is safe and that we have learned to act safely. . . and Austin and Beth were there. As I got closer, I'd sneak glances at the pole through the bare branches. When I got to the clearing, I thought, "That's it? It's not as high as I expected. It's about the same height as the Cat Walk. I can do this." Of course I'd have to stand on the end of the pole rather than walk across it. All things relative. There was a slight twist in the element in that the trapeze had been switched for a punching bag looking object. Out about 10', maybe 12', we had to leap out and punch the bag before we dropped.
My strategy was to stay ahead of my fear. I asked Beth if I could go first. "For real?" she asked. "Yes."
She put the chest harness on me, reminding people how to fit it properly. . . I couldn't see anything so will need a review. As we walked toward the pole she said "The trick is to not hang around on top for long." Got it. I did my safety checks with Anna and Mike the ladder holders and Katy the belayer and started my climb. I got to the end of the ladder and used a prusik with the foot loop that we learned a couple of weeks ago but the name I forget. That got me up to the big staples in the pole and I just climbed. Don't think, don't look down. Just climb. I had a slight hesitation as my hands reached the top of the pole but I kept moving. How the hell am I going to stand on top of this pole? I think I remember yelling that question and there were lots of answers. Basically I needed to hold on to the top of the pole, keep one foot on a staple and stretch my leg up so that I could put my other foot flat on top of the pole. I knew I needed to keep moving, don't think long. I got my left foot on the top and was amazed to know that my foot was actually there. Some sense of out of body. I still was trying not to look down. I grabbed the floppy belay rope with my right hand to steady me as I pulled my other foot on the top of the pole. I straightened up and was standing on top of this pole! There was much shouting and encouraging from below though I couldn't really take in what was said as I looked across at the bag I was supposed to leap out and punch. Somebody, maybe Mike, made me laugh yelling that I looked hot though that may have actually been on the climb. Don't hang out up there long, Beth had said. I had to go but that bag was out so far. Do they really expect us to reach that thing? My lunge toward the bag was half hearted but my scream was banshee like, my intellect telling me I wouldn't fall far. I don't think adventure leaders are suppose to scream.
Austin told me that I shouldn't have grabbed the belay rope to steady myself because I pulled extra slack and it made me fall that much farther. Also, they were worried that my shoulder would get pulled back. Okay, so live and learn. I thought I had let go of it before I jumped. Off belay, I walked back to the group and felt a cry rising inside for what I had just done but Marc was getting ready to climb and I needed to pay attention. He climbed, stood, jumped far and hit the bag! So did Mike! Jen gave it a good shot but couldn't quite reach it. Aaron hit it, too! Good form. No screams. Out of time and we'll be back again for everyone to get a shot at it. I wonder if the old lady doing it first put pressure on others to do it.
I didn't jump out like I should have to tag the bag. I started to grouse at myself again for not doing it perfectly. Then I told myself to appreciate what I did do. Think about it! I climbed the telephone pole and stood on top of it. I could not imagine myself doing that last semester. Not even this semester. Kind of forgot about it until today. I still haven't cried. Maybe I won't. But somehow it's a release for me and I feel clear when I let it out. I think I need to sit still. Feel what I did and what it means for me. But not tonight. Lots of homework to read and research.
Forget your perfect offering
Just ring the bell that still can ring
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
Leonard Cohen
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