White Water Kayaking Day 2

Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Of course I'm going kayaking today. Doesn't matter that I wasn't into it yesterday. OLP has already paid for it and if I didn't go, I wouldn't be fully participating. I saw Anne this morning as I was leaving in the cold and rain and said dejectedly,  "Yep, out on the water today." Then I said, "Yes, I get to go out on the water today!" Need some major 'tude change. Remind myself what I am doing. I am going out white water kayaking! What decade in my life would I have ever thought this would be my life? And when I came home today, I was struck again as I draped my dry suit to dry out. I not only own but am using a dry suit! I'm doing what "other" people do. Privileged people I would have thought. And I am privileged to have this opportunity. And, despite fear, and with trust, I gave myself this opportunity. I am living life fully. Wept on my way home as thoughts of Fran came to me and that she cannot do what I do. This morning I got moving with thoughts of meeting what felt like challenges for Fran as well as for myself.

And, they were challenges. Out on the river where it was in the low 40s maybe--windy, rainy, and the ever present possibility of getting colder and wetter. But it's living in a way that feels truly alive. I wasn't vegged out in front of my TV mindlessly surfing channels rather than water.

We were given options about where we would go, depending on the group decision. We could go to one place and run the river, putting together what we learned yesterday. Or we could go to another place and continue to build the skills we had. Most of the group opted for continued building. I sat on the fence feeling that my biggest challenge would be dealing with a wet exit which I knew would happen today because, one way or another, I needed the experience. Katrina found me a different boat since the one I was in yesterday was hurting my ankle.

We carried or hauled our boats down a steep and wooded hill to the river. For little boats, they feel to me as heavy as a bigger recreational boat. Launched, we headed up to an eddy and Joe was the first to swim. What a way to start the day. Worse, one of his zippers wasn't closed completely so he got wet right away but hung in with us. Several of us have now learned that cold, wet unclosed zipper lesson. We began some warm up exercises and started practicing the 3 standard maneuvers: eddy, peel-out, and ferry drills, and then did combinations. We were all doing better today but I was constantly thinking about going for my own swim. I could see improvement as I practiced the drills but at least a couple of times was about to flip but righted myself. But should I have just let myself go in even though it was instinctual to right myself?

We stopped for lunch, sat in the warm van and ate our smorgasbord of lunches. Back to the river with promises that if we got too cold, we could leave early and go to Janet's for cake and hot chocolate. We all kept improving and then Jen went for a swim and maybe someone else. I kept hearing that it was my turn " 'cause everyone's doing it" referencing my skiing debacle. I had said in our morning debrief that I knew that what I needed to do today was swim because the lessons we least want are the ones we most need. And Janet and Katrina have said a few times that they'd like us to swim while they're around rather then not. And they are real quick at getting to overturned boats and people. We were only on the water for an hour or so in the afternoon and each time I paddled my drill I kept thinking about going in. Should I just make it happen? I was the only one who hadn't gone swimming. . . a good thing in reality because, as Janet said, I have good boat control if I can just get over my under the water fear. Time was running out, people were cold and it was time for me to bite the bullet and wet exit. I should have done it while drilling but Katrina stopped me to make sure I knew the protocol so I did a standing wet exit. Not the same feel but done. I grabbed the skirt pull before I was completely under water and Janet said I leaned back a bit which is what I've done on other wet exits. If I keep kayaking, I'm sure it'll happen for real. Yep, head and hands felt mighty cold but in reality, not as bad as I expected. I swam the short distance with my boat to the shore and Katrina grabbed my paddle.

After loading up and heading back, we heard something dragging and assumed it was from the trailer of boats. Aaron pulled over and after a few checks we discovered the muffler had rusted out and fallen. No one had cell service or a coat hanger to wire it up. Janet and Katrina realized at some point that we weren't behind them so doubled back and went to the general store for wire. They came back with a piece and some very welcome snacks. Katrina, outdoors woman and finish carpenter, wired it together and we were on our way back to Zoar. The van struggled on the way up the hills and the brakes were hot on the downhills. We debriefed and I said that I'd now want to go out for more kayaking, wishing we had a 3rd day to run the river with our drills. Learning to challenge fear continues.