Monday, February 23, 2010
The mountaineering group left today for their 4 day ice climbing trip. I've been regretting my decision to bail on the mountaineering, especially given that I couldn't make the winter trip. I haven't been out since November and I'm feeling well out of the loop in terms of experience and group activity. I'm not the only one who opted out but that doesn't change how I feel. And in researching my independent project on blogging in experiential education, I found a site where someone was talking about their eventual move from refusing to think about ice climbing to becoming somewhat addicted to ice climbing, especially water falls. The pictures were beautiful and his descriptions made me pine more for the adventure.
Looks like I'll be on the rock climbing trip even though I doubt I'll go for certification. There are so many new aspects to the ropes now. I'm still happy with my awareness that I'm synthesizing the knots and set-ups that we learned in the fall. . . not enough for cert but enough to know that I've learned new information and skills. Getting back to the gym after a hiatus.
Have been doing more thinking about what I've been learning over the course of these months but it always seems to be at times that I can't write and then I've lost the thoughts when I can write. I need to be more purposeful around this. Also need to work on my resume and job search. Nope, no idea what I'll be doing when this is all over. Need to keep trusting.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Day 2 Rolling
Friday, February 19, 2010
Arrived at Hampshire for day 2 of rolling. Beth's feeling sick but managing to be the gritty gotta-be-here instructor. Switched boats around and I got a shorter blue job that I didn't like from the get-go. My feet curled around the edges of the foot plate and were uncomfortable but I figured I'd hang in and give it a try. Don't want to be resistant to change just because it's change. But I was still resistant to asking for help as I battled with the damn neoprene spray skirt that requires major muscles to stretch it over the cockpit coaming. I hung out doing some review of holding the side of the pool to practice flips. I felt the water leak through and was soaked before long.
It took quite a while to get through individual instructions so I decided to try what I saw Coquette doing--flip over next to the wall and if you couldn't right yourself, you can find the wall. I hadn't done this yet but I saw others doing it yesterday. I flipped. When I couldn't find the wall, it didn't take long for panic to set in. But, I got my head together and remembered that I know how to wet exit. It worked in real life and this time there was no question that I was underwater when I pulled the skirt tab off. . . can't remember if I had to push myself out of the boat or not. I popped up and saw Beth and Kate right next to me, looks of concern on their faces. "You okay? You made us real nervous." Okay, so they were busy with others but I guess their radar is always turning. But I needed to do something while waiting my turn. And now I get to yank my boat onto the deck and swear at the @#$% skirt as I try to pull it back on. The battle is a discouragement to try anything that might make me flip again and another reason to keep working out at the gym.
Eventually it was my turn and Beth started working with me. I still had good knee action and Beth got me working with a paddle so I could learn the underwater sweep motion. I wasn't getting it exactly and she said I wasn't as relaxed as I needed to be despite promising not to try drowning me again. I didn't progress much and it was the last day of lessons. So much for actually rolling. Supposedly there are lessons elsewhere before we pick up the heavy paddling courses yet to come. There was still a little time left so I decided to try a different boat. It felt more comfortable and I just paddled around in the pool, enjoying the fast response of these little boats but I wasn't about to try flipping again. Time to empty the water out of the boats and head out--next stop Bueno again.
Got back to campus and I went up to the IT department to continue working on my IP and using PowerPoint. Karen's been a great help showing me how to get links live on the slides. I had wanted to put a couple of YouTubes on it but it's apparently problematic. In the end, I'll still need to try this out in advance on the OLP laptop in the classroom.
Next week, all but a few of us will be heading to the White Mountains for the mountaineering trip which is not an actual course. I have some regrets about not going but if it were a day long experience I'd likely do it. And then there's the fact that I was short sighted and sold my winter bag thinking I only needed it for the winter trip. sigh
Arrived at Hampshire for day 2 of rolling. Beth's feeling sick but managing to be the gritty gotta-be-here instructor. Switched boats around and I got a shorter blue job that I didn't like from the get-go. My feet curled around the edges of the foot plate and were uncomfortable but I figured I'd hang in and give it a try. Don't want to be resistant to change just because it's change. But I was still resistant to asking for help as I battled with the damn neoprene spray skirt that requires major muscles to stretch it over the cockpit coaming. I hung out doing some review of holding the side of the pool to practice flips. I felt the water leak through and was soaked before long.
It took quite a while to get through individual instructions so I decided to try what I saw Coquette doing--flip over next to the wall and if you couldn't right yourself, you can find the wall. I hadn't done this yet but I saw others doing it yesterday. I flipped. When I couldn't find the wall, it didn't take long for panic to set in. But, I got my head together and remembered that I know how to wet exit. It worked in real life and this time there was no question that I was underwater when I pulled the skirt tab off. . . can't remember if I had to push myself out of the boat or not. I popped up and saw Beth and Kate right next to me, looks of concern on their faces. "You okay? You made us real nervous." Okay, so they were busy with others but I guess their radar is always turning. But I needed to do something while waiting my turn. And now I get to yank my boat onto the deck and swear at the @#$% skirt as I try to pull it back on. The battle is a discouragement to try anything that might make me flip again and another reason to keep working out at the gym.
Eventually it was my turn and Beth started working with me. I still had good knee action and Beth got me working with a paddle so I could learn the underwater sweep motion. I wasn't getting it exactly and she said I wasn't as relaxed as I needed to be despite promising not to try drowning me again. I didn't progress much and it was the last day of lessons. So much for actually rolling. Supposedly there are lessons elsewhere before we pick up the heavy paddling courses yet to come. There was still a little time left so I decided to try a different boat. It felt more comfortable and I just paddled around in the pool, enjoying the fast response of these little boats but I wasn't about to try flipping again. Time to empty the water out of the boats and head out--next stop Bueno again.
Got back to campus and I went up to the IT department to continue working on my IP and using PowerPoint. Karen's been a great help showing me how to get links live on the slides. I had wanted to put a couple of YouTubes on it but it's apparently problematic. In the end, I'll still need to try this out in advance on the OLP laptop in the classroom.
Next week, all but a few of us will be heading to the White Mountains for the mountaineering trip which is not an actual course. I have some regrets about not going but if it were a day long experience I'd likely do it. And then there's the fact that I was short sighted and sold my winter bag thinking I only needed it for the winter trip. sigh
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Rolling
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Today our group goes with Beth and Kate to the Hampshire College pool to learn to roll kayaks. We get there about 9 and the sun pours in through the glass walls. Some start watching the video while 3 or 4 get into white water kayaks (the little bitty ones), stretch the skirts onto the boat and push off into the pool, paddling with their hands. I had talked with people yesterday when they returned from this class and Anna said to make sure I have extra clothing because she was cold and wore a long sleeve shirt and socks in the water. Ian said it was helpful to have goggles to see what was happening under water. Since I'm not at all comfortable under water, I stopped on the way home and picked up some nose plugs (Beth said we could borrow some there if we didn't have any) and bigger than I wanted goggles trying to make sure I'd get suction on my face. . .the little ones didn't seem to work in the store.
We start with wet exit reviews and Kate tells me that I pulled the skirt tab off before I was actually under water so I had to try it again. I have yet to need to push my hips out since I seem to slide right out of the boat while I'm under. Yay. Erin busts me for the goggle look but if it helps, I don't care what I look like. Generally, people are amused and tolerant of the fashion deviations I make. Age advantage. Eventually I toss the $25 goggles on the deck because they're leaking and foggy. So much for suction. Everyone's using nose plugs so no problem there.
Then we lean over and hold onto the side of the pool, relax with our head on our hands, and tip the boats over so that they're on their sides at a 90 degree angle. With upper body relaxed, we need to thrust up with one knee (closest to the water) but keep our upper body relaxed and rising only after we are righted. . . bowling ball heads should come up last. Keep repeating until we feel comfortable and then reverse it flipping the opposite direction and using the other knee action to see which feels strongest--though Beth says we'll be rolling all which ways before the paddling courses are done.
Others have been working to flip their boats and find Beth's or Kate's hands as guides since it can feel so disorienting upside down in water. They move on to T-rescues--flipping and coming up to find the bow of the partner's boat and trying to right themselves. Mike uses my boat for practice, has it down well and he and Aaron graduate to using little styro-foam floats to "lean on" with their hands.
Beth starts to work with me and I'm doing well until she nearly drowns me a few times. She apologizes but come on Beth! She was testing the styro-foam floats with me but the test failed when it sank with my head on it and I sucked in water. She got me flailing my arms a few times, too. Good thing I like her. I let her continue helping me flip. Eventually, I was flipping under, finding her hands for security and righting myself over with a pretty good follow through. She thinks I might even do a whole roll with paddle tomorrow and I'm counting on it.
On the way home we stop at Bueno Y Sano in Amherst for lunch and the Black Sheep for coffee or a treat. I leave my PB&J in the van. Back on campus I get stuff out of my car and put on my sunglasses and walk to the group. Joe asks what the deal is with my missing lens. Huh? I've walked about 1000' without realizing that the right lens had popped out. I start laughing and Aaron just shakes his head and says, "Eileeeen." I continue to blow up any possible image of cool into little shreds. "Can't take me anywhere," I laugh. Joe said he thought it was purposeful--maybe some kind of meaningful protest. Thanks, Joe. I think on it a couple of times in the afternoon and just start laughing again. I'm happy I can entertain myself and others.
Today our group goes with Beth and Kate to the Hampshire College pool to learn to roll kayaks. We get there about 9 and the sun pours in through the glass walls. Some start watching the video while 3 or 4 get into white water kayaks (the little bitty ones), stretch the skirts onto the boat and push off into the pool, paddling with their hands. I had talked with people yesterday when they returned from this class and Anna said to make sure I have extra clothing because she was cold and wore a long sleeve shirt and socks in the water. Ian said it was helpful to have goggles to see what was happening under water. Since I'm not at all comfortable under water, I stopped on the way home and picked up some nose plugs (Beth said we could borrow some there if we didn't have any) and bigger than I wanted goggles trying to make sure I'd get suction on my face. . .the little ones didn't seem to work in the store.
We start with wet exit reviews and Kate tells me that I pulled the skirt tab off before I was actually under water so I had to try it again. I have yet to need to push my hips out since I seem to slide right out of the boat while I'm under. Yay. Erin busts me for the goggle look but if it helps, I don't care what I look like. Generally, people are amused and tolerant of the fashion deviations I make. Age advantage. Eventually I toss the $25 goggles on the deck because they're leaking and foggy. So much for suction. Everyone's using nose plugs so no problem there.
Then we lean over and hold onto the side of the pool, relax with our head on our hands, and tip the boats over so that they're on their sides at a 90 degree angle. With upper body relaxed, we need to thrust up with one knee (closest to the water) but keep our upper body relaxed and rising only after we are righted. . . bowling ball heads should come up last. Keep repeating until we feel comfortable and then reverse it flipping the opposite direction and using the other knee action to see which feels strongest--though Beth says we'll be rolling all which ways before the paddling courses are done.
Others have been working to flip their boats and find Beth's or Kate's hands as guides since it can feel so disorienting upside down in water. They move on to T-rescues--flipping and coming up to find the bow of the partner's boat and trying to right themselves. Mike uses my boat for practice, has it down well and he and Aaron graduate to using little styro-foam floats to "lean on" with their hands.
Beth starts to work with me and I'm doing well until she nearly drowns me a few times. She apologizes but come on Beth! She was testing the styro-foam floats with me but the test failed when it sank with my head on it and I sucked in water. She got me flailing my arms a few times, too. Good thing I like her. I let her continue helping me flip. Eventually, I was flipping under, finding her hands for security and righting myself over with a pretty good follow through. She thinks I might even do a whole roll with paddle tomorrow and I'm counting on it.
On the way home we stop at Bueno Y Sano in Amherst for lunch and the Black Sheep for coffee or a treat. I leave my PB&J in the van. Back on campus I get stuff out of my car and put on my sunglasses and walk to the group. Joe asks what the deal is with my missing lens. Huh? I've walked about 1000' without realizing that the right lens had popped out. I start laughing and Aaron just shakes his head and says, "Eileeeen." I continue to blow up any possible image of cool into little shreds. "Can't take me anywhere," I laugh. Joe said he thought it was purposeful--maybe some kind of meaningful protest. Thanks, Joe. I think on it a couple of times in the afternoon and just start laughing again. I'm happy I can entertain myself and others.
My poor Victim
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
When Austin arrived we were all studying for the test which turned out to be open book followed by web research. Never enough time to get all the info needed.
More knots with ancillary ropes: Prusik, Kleimheist, Auto Block, Bachman and hearing, not necessarily taking in, why to use a particular knot in a given situation. All to allow the instructor belayer and rappeler to attend to rescue.
Austin demos and then we pair up, everyone needing to be the victim and the rescuer, though since I'm not taking the rock climbing course for certification, others need the experience more. But Aaron is my victim and he hangs in harness after climbing our class wall while I figure out how to transfer his weight from my harness to the anchor, then block the load, attach a prusik and a cordelette in such a way so that I can put my foot in a loop and alternately raise the leg loop and the prusik so that I can ascend the rope and get to Aaron. Besides boredom, Aaron's circulation was probably getting cut off from the harness and hanging there for an extended time is uncomfortable. (Austin told us about needing to rescue a guy who was kneeling on a 6" inch ledge and holding on with his fingers. He had been there for 4 hours and they needed to help him unbend his legs before they could move him safely.) So, thanks to Aaron for literally hanging in while I fumbled and, in general, being willing to hang in with me.
Then it was my turn to be the victim but Aaron was much quicker on the rescue. While waiting, I hung out and felt quite comfortable in terms of height and trusting the system not to drop me. I had been climbing earlier and had made it about 3/4 of the way up before Jake belayed me down. Jen and Mike coached me on holds to grab including the blue "Smurf penis". . . one of the most substantial grips unlike some others that you need to grab with finger tips. I have little strength in my fingers.
All in all, a productive and successful two days for me even though I don't have a full handle on the systems.
Injury update: Erin's heel became aggravated by her boots on the winter trip and now it's so painful that she can't wear regular shoes until it heals. She got it checked and found out that she can't go on the mountaineering trip next week in the White Mountains. She's pretty bummed.
When Austin arrived we were all studying for the test which turned out to be open book followed by web research. Never enough time to get all the info needed.
More knots with ancillary ropes: Prusik, Kleimheist, Auto Block, Bachman and hearing, not necessarily taking in, why to use a particular knot in a given situation. All to allow the instructor belayer and rappeler to attend to rescue.
Austin demos and then we pair up, everyone needing to be the victim and the rescuer, though since I'm not taking the rock climbing course for certification, others need the experience more. But Aaron is my victim and he hangs in harness after climbing our class wall while I figure out how to transfer his weight from my harness to the anchor, then block the load, attach a prusik and a cordelette in such a way so that I can put my foot in a loop and alternately raise the leg loop and the prusik so that I can ascend the rope and get to Aaron. Besides boredom, Aaron's circulation was probably getting cut off from the harness and hanging there for an extended time is uncomfortable. (Austin told us about needing to rescue a guy who was kneeling on a 6" inch ledge and holding on with his fingers. He had been there for 4 hours and they needed to help him unbend his legs before they could move him safely.) So, thanks to Aaron for literally hanging in while I fumbled and, in general, being willing to hang in with me.
Then it was my turn to be the victim but Aaron was much quicker on the rescue. While waiting, I hung out and felt quite comfortable in terms of height and trusting the system not to drop me. I had been climbing earlier and had made it about 3/4 of the way up before Jake belayed me down. Jen and Mike coached me on holds to grab including the blue "Smurf penis". . . one of the most substantial grips unlike some others that you need to grab with finger tips. I have little strength in my fingers.
All in all, a productive and successful two days for me even though I don't have a full handle on the systems.
Injury update: Erin's heel became aggravated by her boots on the winter trip and now it's so painful that she can't wear regular shoes until it heals. She got it checked and found out that she can't go on the mountaineering trip next week in the White Mountains. She's pretty bummed.
Learning Rescue Climbs
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Today is the start of the instructor level course work we will pursue in the spring semester. The class has split, half with Beth learning how to roll kayaks and the half I'm in, working with Austin to learn rescue climbs. We begin with technical handouts on belay devices, comparisons, appropriate situational use, as well as technical info on climbing ropes; materials and how they're constructed, types and appropriate use. We will be tested tomorrow. There is also info on Rockclimbing Leadership levels that OLP students can expect to attain and become certified by PCIA - Professional Climbing Instructor Association.
Austin has us quickly review knots that we learned in the fall particular to climb setups: bowline, munter mule, figure 8s on a bite, etc. I'm amazed to find myself teaching Joe and Erin how to tie the bowline. It was fun to hear others, especially Austin, notice that I was actually teaching the knot. I found the way Austin tied it to be the easiest to remember and mainly practiced his version at home when I created make-shift setups using my kitchen table legs. Then we had to create the top and bottom anchor systems on the classroom rock wall. I had some of it down but had never learned the munter mule.
After we finished the review of anchors needing to be SRENE: Strong/Solid, Redundant, Equalized, we also learned about LEADSTR: Limited Extension, Angle, Direction, Strong/Solid, Timely, Redundant.
This was all to set up for the rescue situations that call for transferring weight or load from base anchor to harness, or Base to Waist and Waist to Base. This ability allows the belayer to safely maneuver to rescue a climber. We're moving fast with the info and I'm trying to keep up but figuring out the process and physics has never been a strong suit. Today, it's like a shell game. But I stay with it as much as I can and it isn't until 4 pm when I'm trying to demo for Austin what I know or don't that my head starts wanting to explode and my guts are twisting in knots. I'm happy that I've managed all day to stay with the content and not freak because I'm not getting it right away. Huge improvement! It's still a shell game. More tomorrow and we'll practice rescues!
Today is the start of the instructor level course work we will pursue in the spring semester. The class has split, half with Beth learning how to roll kayaks and the half I'm in, working with Austin to learn rescue climbs. We begin with technical handouts on belay devices, comparisons, appropriate situational use, as well as technical info on climbing ropes; materials and how they're constructed, types and appropriate use. We will be tested tomorrow. There is also info on Rockclimbing Leadership levels that OLP students can expect to attain and become certified by PCIA - Professional Climbing Instructor Association.
Austin has us quickly review knots that we learned in the fall particular to climb setups: bowline, munter mule, figure 8s on a bite, etc. I'm amazed to find myself teaching Joe and Erin how to tie the bowline. It was fun to hear others, especially Austin, notice that I was actually teaching the knot. I found the way Austin tied it to be the easiest to remember and mainly practiced his version at home when I created make-shift setups using my kitchen table legs. Then we had to create the top and bottom anchor systems on the classroom rock wall. I had some of it down but had never learned the munter mule.
After we finished the review of anchors needing to be SRENE: Strong/Solid, Redundant, Equalized, we also learned about LEADSTR: Limited Extension, Angle, Direction, Strong/Solid, Timely, Redundant.
This was all to set up for the rescue situations that call for transferring weight or load from base anchor to harness, or Base to Waist and Waist to Base. This ability allows the belayer to safely maneuver to rescue a climber. We're moving fast with the info and I'm trying to keep up but figuring out the process and physics has never been a strong suit. Today, it's like a shell game. But I stay with it as much as I can and it isn't until 4 pm when I'm trying to demo for Austin what I know or don't that my head starts wanting to explode and my guts are twisting in knots. I'm happy that I've managed all day to stay with the content and not freak because I'm not getting it right away. Huge improvement! It's still a shell game. More tomorrow and we'll practice rescues!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Mt. Tom Hike
Sunday, Feb 14, 2010
It's been way too long since I've been out hiking so decided to hike yesterday with Women Outdoors and take myself out hiking today and keep myself company. Unfortunately, I can no longer go hiking with just a water bottle and an apple. I bring a 45 liter day pack with all the potential gear in case of accident---mine or someone else's. I figure the weight is just good practice but it still takes me a while to pull it all together. I should have twos of everything so I can keep my main pack complete.
I wanted to head to Westfield to see Fran afterwards so south rather than north made sense. Mt. Tom was a good suggestion and I decided to go in from the Holyoke gate where my family accessed the reservation often when we were kids. Compared to the Rockies, our mountains are ant hills but I've been told that these mountains are some of the oldest on the planet and they've been worn down over time.
Anne lent me her map to find some trails. I walked down the road that was noted as a fire road. When we were kids riding in the car, we always waited to see what we were told was petrified rock in the middle of the road that served as a lane divider. We must have stopped at some time to look at it though maybe never actually got out 'cause rounding up 6 kids on the narrow road could have been like herding cats. But now, walking on foot, I notice more petrified rock on the sides of the road and wish that I had my camera to play with close-ups of the striations. And what's that big rusty thing on wheels just off the road and up the hill and how could I have never noticed it before? The sign said it was formerly used to crush rocks, circa 1928 by the CCC Civilian Conservation Corps.
I go further on and decide to follow a drainage off to the right. I'm careful to stay far enough away so I don't do something careless like slide down and twist an ankle. There's not much water but I know not to get anything wet and I'm by myself. Yes, I've told Anne where I am and I've got dry layers, socks, my down jacket, treking poles that I could use as a splint, and on and on. What I can't believe I've forgotten are my mini spikes that make my footing feel so secure. Following the drainage, I notice the trees with a new eye and try to identify the bark or the conifer needles. Last year I just wouldn't have thought about it, would have taken them for granted and been unaware of the various types in our area. I spot what I think are As in the bark that indicates an ash tree. Yesterday on a hike I was talking about MADDOG--maple, ash, and dogwood trees but couldn't remember if they have alternate or opposite branching. I found a twig of pine needles and knew it was white pine because of the cluster of 5 needles. Today I think I found hemlock but didn't have my glasses on to see if it had white marks underneath. I'm impressed that I care and know that by really noticing nature is one way I have changed. I wish I had an Audubon guide with me.
The drainage seems to end under the ground and snow. I find a tree to lean against as I sit on an insulated pad. I pull out my journal and begin to write but having stopped moving, the wind makes me cold and I hear voices in the distance. They are a distraction as they get clearer and closer. I want to be alone and become aware that I am suddenly uncomfortable not far off the road but out of sight. I'm angry that I can't feel safe in the woods. I see them finally through the winter branches moving slowly with treking poles, probably hiking off the M&M as they disappear below the slope beyond. I've been too distracted and now I'm chilled. I pull my pack on and head down the hill toward the road. I could count once, maybe on two hands, the number of times I've been in the woods alone. And I could hardly count where I was today as "in the woods." I realized that retracing familiar land from years ago and keeping myself company were really all I needed today. My goal was to go through the motions of being with myself, self-sufficient, and that being just fine. . . it's enough. I never turned on my Ipod to hear Ferron's soothing tunes. I listened to myself and, mostly, what I had to say was enough. I even practiced some LNT and picked up someone's trash thrown next to some petrified rock. I just don't get the littering mentality. . . especially in the woods.
It's been way too long since I've been out hiking so decided to hike yesterday with Women Outdoors and take myself out hiking today and keep myself company. Unfortunately, I can no longer go hiking with just a water bottle and an apple. I bring a 45 liter day pack with all the potential gear in case of accident---mine or someone else's. I figure the weight is just good practice but it still takes me a while to pull it all together. I should have twos of everything so I can keep my main pack complete.
I wanted to head to Westfield to see Fran afterwards so south rather than north made sense. Mt. Tom was a good suggestion and I decided to go in from the Holyoke gate where my family accessed the reservation often when we were kids. Compared to the Rockies, our mountains are ant hills but I've been told that these mountains are some of the oldest on the planet and they've been worn down over time.
Anne lent me her map to find some trails. I walked down the road that was noted as a fire road. When we were kids riding in the car, we always waited to see what we were told was petrified rock in the middle of the road that served as a lane divider. We must have stopped at some time to look at it though maybe never actually got out 'cause rounding up 6 kids on the narrow road could have been like herding cats. But now, walking on foot, I notice more petrified rock on the sides of the road and wish that I had my camera to play with close-ups of the striations. And what's that big rusty thing on wheels just off the road and up the hill and how could I have never noticed it before? The sign said it was formerly used to crush rocks, circa 1928 by the CCC Civilian Conservation Corps.
I go further on and decide to follow a drainage off to the right. I'm careful to stay far enough away so I don't do something careless like slide down and twist an ankle. There's not much water but I know not to get anything wet and I'm by myself. Yes, I've told Anne where I am and I've got dry layers, socks, my down jacket, treking poles that I could use as a splint, and on and on. What I can't believe I've forgotten are my mini spikes that make my footing feel so secure. Following the drainage, I notice the trees with a new eye and try to identify the bark or the conifer needles. Last year I just wouldn't have thought about it, would have taken them for granted and been unaware of the various types in our area. I spot what I think are As in the bark that indicates an ash tree. Yesterday on a hike I was talking about MADDOG--maple, ash, and dogwood trees but couldn't remember if they have alternate or opposite branching. I found a twig of pine needles and knew it was white pine because of the cluster of 5 needles. Today I think I found hemlock but didn't have my glasses on to see if it had white marks underneath. I'm impressed that I care and know that by really noticing nature is one way I have changed. I wish I had an Audubon guide with me.
The drainage seems to end under the ground and snow. I find a tree to lean against as I sit on an insulated pad. I pull out my journal and begin to write but having stopped moving, the wind makes me cold and I hear voices in the distance. They are a distraction as they get clearer and closer. I want to be alone and become aware that I am suddenly uncomfortable not far off the road but out of sight. I'm angry that I can't feel safe in the woods. I see them finally through the winter branches moving slowly with treking poles, probably hiking off the M&M as they disappear below the slope beyond. I've been too distracted and now I'm chilled. I pull my pack on and head down the hill toward the road. I could count once, maybe on two hands, the number of times I've been in the woods alone. And I could hardly count where I was today as "in the woods." I realized that retracing familiar land from years ago and keeping myself company were really all I needed today. My goal was to go through the motions of being with myself, self-sufficient, and that being just fine. . . it's enough. I never turned on my Ipod to hear Ferron's soothing tunes. I listened to myself and, mostly, what I had to say was enough. I even practiced some LNT and picked up someone's trash thrown next to some petrified rock. I just don't get the littering mentality. . . especially in the woods.
Winter Trip Debrief
Everyone but FDK arrived at class on Friday. Katey apparently fell through ice up to her waist on the trip but I heard was unhurt and laughing about it. She had somewhere to be today or I would have asked her more about it. Marc said that the sleeping bag he bought from me was toasty and he had no complaints about it. Erin had remnants of a gash across the bridge of her nose. There were several announcements before we started the debriefs.
Group B went up to the study room and the idea was to create a game board, Winter Wonderland, Survival Edition. It involved drawing a map again with campsites and significant events. I drew me texting the SAT phone but they never got my message. Apparently you need to text from a particular site and not on a cell phone. The board also had colored squares and groups of cards with questions and consequences to make you jump ahead, fall behind or miss a turn. Since I didn't know any of the events, I offered to draw where they told me to and made myself the de facto time keeper so I'd have some kind of role.
I didn't hear any stories or get a sense for how things went other than learning that for some reason Poo Olympics didn't happen. sigh Maybe next week I'll hear some stories.
Next week: 2 groups Tues & Wed 1 group does ropes all day, likely with Austin. The other group does rolling in the Hampshire pool likely with Beth. Thursday & Friday we switch.
Group B went up to the study room and the idea was to create a game board, Winter Wonderland, Survival Edition. It involved drawing a map again with campsites and significant events. I drew me texting the SAT phone but they never got my message. Apparently you need to text from a particular site and not on a cell phone. The board also had colored squares and groups of cards with questions and consequences to make you jump ahead, fall behind or miss a turn. Since I didn't know any of the events, I offered to draw where they told me to and made myself the de facto time keeper so I'd have some kind of role.
I didn't hear any stories or get a sense for how things went other than learning that for some reason Poo Olympics didn't happen. sigh Maybe next week I'll hear some stories.
Next week: 2 groups Tues & Wed 1 group does ropes all day, likely with Austin. The other group does rolling in the Hampshire pool likely with Beth. Thursday & Friday we switch.
They're Baaack
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The groups came back today. I was doing work study when I saw a text from Kristie saying that they were all well and on their way back in one piece. I enjoyed getting her message and knowing she thought about me. Sometime last week I had thought about camping at the challenge course so I could feel some connection with them all. Can't do that though when you've sold your sleeping bag.
At some point, I noticed Group A's van had returned but Group B (aka D-) that I was supposed to be with wasn't back yet. As I walked to my car around 4, I looked across the parking lot and saw them unloading. My first thought was to head up and say "Hi!" but then I remembered what it's like when you come back from the trips. You're beat and trying to grab your gear so you can head out and home. Thursday will be a day off and then we gather for debrief on Friday morning.
The groups came back today. I was doing work study when I saw a text from Kristie saying that they were all well and on their way back in one piece. I enjoyed getting her message and knowing she thought about me. Sometime last week I had thought about camping at the challenge course so I could feel some connection with them all. Can't do that though when you've sold your sleeping bag.
At some point, I noticed Group A's van had returned but Group B (aka D-) that I was supposed to be with wasn't back yet. As I walked to my car around 4, I looked across the parking lot and saw them unloading. My first thought was to head up and say "Hi!" but then I remembered what it's like when you come back from the trips. You're beat and trying to grab your gear so you can head out and home. Thursday will be a day off and then we gather for debrief on Friday morning.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Here, Not There
So, I'm here, not there with the group doing the group thing. Mostly I've been okay since I pretty much filled my week with appointments to hopefully heal my back, paperwork long overdue, some odd jobs, job search, a little workstudy, and I need to really focus on my academic work due.
Last night I went to Look Park, figuring it's a high spot in town, to send a text message to the SAT (satellite) phone. "miss u xo snuffy." Somehow we decided on Muppet type names for the group and I was to be Snuffleupagus. That changed from "The Big Easy." I don't want to know where that came from.
So yesterday I had been scheduled to co-lead with Sarah Maney. Don't know who took my place. They would have traveled 1.3 miles with a gain of 39.4' and a loss of 49.2'. Activities were snowball wars and a dance off. Damn, I love dancing and it's great for keeping warm. Interestingly, there's no mention on the itinerary of where we were to camp but today they're camping in the same place at 1722'. Day 8, I was also scheduled to lead with Ian. They'll travel 1.2 miles with a 79' gain. Football is the activity and they're camping at the base of Harrington mountain. That's a mistake according to Austin's instruction. He said the warmest area would be part way up the mountain as the base and the top are the coldest.
We needed to do a better job on the itinerary we turned in. Sarah typed it up but we all should have reviewed it a lot earlier. As I read it again, I'm reminded of how much I was not involved in this planning despite that being a goal. People went separate ways and there was no meeting where we all met as a group to talk things out. It led to issues of multiple lists being created as to who was doing presentations and the latest superseding the first list. My co-leaders and I never met as co-leaders so the day's activities don't reflect me though I did pass on my LNT for Dispose of Waste properly to Sarah Maney figuring she'd pull off the "Poo Olympics" well. Jake pushed me to speak up and I did a couple of times early on but didn't have enough pull to get the entire group together. I should have been more direct or pointed in what I said as to how I felt that the process was not including me, though some seemed to understand that I was frustrated. But one person's frustration is not incentive for a group to pull together. So, I gave up and told myself I was trying to let go of control and to see how it plays out in a less structured style. That may be the truth but it's not the whole truth. I also wimped out. I need to find ways to have my voice and ideas heard without worrying about being the annoying nooge nor being placated or condescended to.
Well, tonight I'll play pool in my black leather jacket and play at pulling off the look. Then I'll go hunt for the Adirondack stars like I hunted for the city lights from my bedroom window as a girl.
Last night I went to Look Park, figuring it's a high spot in town, to send a text message to the SAT (satellite) phone. "miss u xo snuffy." Somehow we decided on Muppet type names for the group and I was to be Snuffleupagus. That changed from "The Big Easy." I don't want to know where that came from.
So yesterday I had been scheduled to co-lead with Sarah Maney. Don't know who took my place. They would have traveled 1.3 miles with a gain of 39.4' and a loss of 49.2'. Activities were snowball wars and a dance off. Damn, I love dancing and it's great for keeping warm. Interestingly, there's no mention on the itinerary of where we were to camp but today they're camping in the same place at 1722'. Day 8, I was also scheduled to lead with Ian. They'll travel 1.2 miles with a 79' gain. Football is the activity and they're camping at the base of Harrington mountain. That's a mistake according to Austin's instruction. He said the warmest area would be part way up the mountain as the base and the top are the coldest.
We needed to do a better job on the itinerary we turned in. Sarah typed it up but we all should have reviewed it a lot earlier. As I read it again, I'm reminded of how much I was not involved in this planning despite that being a goal. People went separate ways and there was no meeting where we all met as a group to talk things out. It led to issues of multiple lists being created as to who was doing presentations and the latest superseding the first list. My co-leaders and I never met as co-leaders so the day's activities don't reflect me though I did pass on my LNT for Dispose of Waste properly to Sarah Maney figuring she'd pull off the "Poo Olympics" well. Jake pushed me to speak up and I did a couple of times early on but didn't have enough pull to get the entire group together. I should have been more direct or pointed in what I said as to how I felt that the process was not including me, though some seemed to understand that I was frustrated. But one person's frustration is not incentive for a group to pull together. So, I gave up and told myself I was trying to let go of control and to see how it plays out in a less structured style. That may be the truth but it's not the whole truth. I also wimped out. I need to find ways to have my voice and ideas heard without worrying about being the annoying nooge nor being placated or condescended to.
Well, tonight I'll play pool in my black leather jacket and play at pulling off the look. Then I'll go hunt for the Adirondack stars like I hunted for the city lights from my bedroom window as a girl.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Gear Shakedown Day
It's gear shakedown day and all I've brought are Beth's overmitts and mitts to return to her, hardware and rope to repair the sled I was to use in case someone else can use it, and my -30 sleeping bag in case someone wants to buy it. I end up doing workstudy for the day; cutting and tying P-cord onto the 4 new tarps in between signing out individual and group gear, and sorting assignments that are due so they can be brought on the trip. Marc needs my -30 bag so pays me what I paid for it--win win.
I announce early to the class that I'm not able to go on the trip because of my fall. Beth takes the teachable moment opportunity to throw me under the bus and talk about our conversation about why I decided to ski the hill.
"I asked Eileen why she did it and you know what she said? And I kid you not," Beth said shaking her head, she told me, 'Well everyone was doing it'.
That was an example of half truth and attempting to get a laugh. I wasn't following the hot doggers. I was following the ones who wedged and took their time and were okay. I just didn't do it properly. Got a few more laughs and an "Eileen, how old are you?" comment that had already been said in essence. I told Beth that acknowledging and putting aside fear is pretty much how I've gotten through this year. But, in fact, other challenges were more controlled unlike being on skis--that I waxed myself, and flying down what turned out to be the tubing hill. Beth continued her teachable moment reminding people to use good judgment.
As the day goes on, I feel the growing sadness that I won't make this trip with everyone. I can walk okay in general but there's a nagging awareness that my hips or pelvis are feeling weak. And when I leaned against the wall putting my boots on, I thought I'd go through the ceiling from the pain. That's not a body that's wilderness worthy. I'd be even more anxious about falling which I surely would since we'll be on skis or snowshoes, carrying a pack and hauling a sled. And, were I stubborn enough to want to try it for myself, it would be a lousy leadership model by putting the group's trip in jeopardy.
Mostly, I had been dreading the unrelenting cold and the required toughness that I imagine will be necessary to get through the 9 days. Sounds like a broken record as I have written similar thoughts for the other trips. The intention is to put us through a lot of learning and arduous experience--our practicum, so that we know we can survive and know how to keep others safe on similar trips.
The day's conversations and reminders of what someone has forgotten or what they will encounter are all reminders of the leadership minutia that I won't have the opportunity to practice. I was hoping to push myself to not concentrate so much on how miserable I may feel and to be the leader, think about others and how I might positively influence the trip. Instead, I'll need to positively influence just myself. . . said realizing no island am I. I'll have 10 days with no structure--not good for me. I need to create the structure and keep moving. I have a couple of workstudy projects, need to finish my independent project, send in a couple of assignments, work on my resume, look for jobs--oh, and heal. I have no shortage of things to do. And, at least as primary, I need to find ways to be physically active despite my bad back. I want to get copies of my x-rays and see my chiropractor. Maybe I'll get some direction there as to how to move and be proactive in my healing. Won't be long before we're on to canoeing and kayaking.
Gave Jake and Ian hugs as they left. They asked if they'd see me in the morning. I wasn't planning on being in for 7-7:30 but I suppose I could see them all off. Beth suggested it would be too sad. Yeah, it would. She said she'd miss having me on the trip. She won't have to deal with my tears but she said she loves my tears that indicate growth.
I meant to take my map so that I can follow the route. I hope they leave it behind.
I announce early to the class that I'm not able to go on the trip because of my fall. Beth takes the teachable moment opportunity to throw me under the bus and talk about our conversation about why I decided to ski the hill.
"I asked Eileen why she did it and you know what she said? And I kid you not," Beth said shaking her head, she told me, 'Well everyone was doing it'.
That was an example of half truth and attempting to get a laugh. I wasn't following the hot doggers. I was following the ones who wedged and took their time and were okay. I just didn't do it properly. Got a few more laughs and an "Eileen, how old are you?" comment that had already been said in essence. I told Beth that acknowledging and putting aside fear is pretty much how I've gotten through this year. But, in fact, other challenges were more controlled unlike being on skis--that I waxed myself, and flying down what turned out to be the tubing hill. Beth continued her teachable moment reminding people to use good judgment.
As the day goes on, I feel the growing sadness that I won't make this trip with everyone. I can walk okay in general but there's a nagging awareness that my hips or pelvis are feeling weak. And when I leaned against the wall putting my boots on, I thought I'd go through the ceiling from the pain. That's not a body that's wilderness worthy. I'd be even more anxious about falling which I surely would since we'll be on skis or snowshoes, carrying a pack and hauling a sled. And, were I stubborn enough to want to try it for myself, it would be a lousy leadership model by putting the group's trip in jeopardy.
Mostly, I had been dreading the unrelenting cold and the required toughness that I imagine will be necessary to get through the 9 days. Sounds like a broken record as I have written similar thoughts for the other trips. The intention is to put us through a lot of learning and arduous experience--our practicum, so that we know we can survive and know how to keep others safe on similar trips.
The day's conversations and reminders of what someone has forgotten or what they will encounter are all reminders of the leadership minutia that I won't have the opportunity to practice. I was hoping to push myself to not concentrate so much on how miserable I may feel and to be the leader, think about others and how I might positively influence the trip. Instead, I'll need to positively influence just myself. . . said realizing no island am I. I'll have 10 days with no structure--not good for me. I need to create the structure and keep moving. I have a couple of workstudy projects, need to finish my independent project, send in a couple of assignments, work on my resume, look for jobs--oh, and heal. I have no shortage of things to do. And, at least as primary, I need to find ways to be physically active despite my bad back. I want to get copies of my x-rays and see my chiropractor. Maybe I'll get some direction there as to how to move and be proactive in my healing. Won't be long before we're on to canoeing and kayaking.
Gave Jake and Ian hugs as they left. They asked if they'd see me in the morning. I wasn't planning on being in for 7-7:30 but I suppose I could see them all off. Beth suggested it would be too sad. Yeah, it would. She said she'd miss having me on the trip. She won't have to deal with my tears but she said she loves my tears that indicate growth.
I meant to take my map so that I can follow the route. I hope they leave it behind.
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