Friday, July 17
In the early hours I'm not sleeping.  My back bothers me which it hasn't all week.   The ecstasy of Monday and Tuesday has ebbed.  I know it's my last day and I feel the sadness and drop in energy.  How much can I do and learn and expect in one week?

I tell Mona that I don't know what her schedule is but that I'd like to reconnect with Phoenix and Destiny again.  That's fine but Sharon needs to be with me. Oh, I'm her shadow! I've been grateful for Sharon's company and teachings. Mona needs a couple hours for business but I think she's a little concerned about leaving me.

I sit outside the pen that holds Destiny and Phoenix trying to get some feel of them.  They pay me no mind that I can tell.  Sharon is in cleaning their shed and asks if I'm coming in.  I open the gate slowly and take up space quietly.  Maybe that's a sense of inhibition to them rather than respect. For me it's both.

They are both stand-offish, even with Sharon. She's trying to rub peppermint oil on their legs to keep the flies off.  Yesterday Phoenix had blood on her legs from bites.  I had hoped for more connection with either of them but it wasn't happening. Sharon was trying to connect with Destiny but she isn't in the mood and keeps moving away.


Mona, Sharon, Lydia, and I gather for our last lunch, finishing off what was contributed over the course of the last few days.  Today I brought chocolate, and lottery tickets for Mona, hoping she'd get her new barn.  And, it turns out it's her birthday!  Hopeful . . . wait for it . . . 11 lousy bucks.

Koal has his own stall now and can be all sociable!  Nice box with two windows that look out on Cheyenne and Tenaya.

So the two girls are brought down to the arena for grooming and ground work.  I groom Tenaya and I think Sharon brought Cheyenne into a pen because she was having trouble with her.  Eventually, I'm doing ground work with Tenaya which can become tedious unless you're someone who's tapped into little cues.  We're walking over the poles and under the hanging ropes and Tenaya is fine and I praise her.  She is a feather.  Judy from the weekly Women and Horses group joins us with another horse and is doing the same.  Sharon is fitting into the rotation as she can with Cheyenne who is still unpredictable.

Tenaya and I are at the end of the arena up by the gate that opens to the fields. I don't know if I heard the ruckus first or happened to turn around and see it.  Maybe she was spooked by the hanging ropes, I don't know. But I saw Cheyenne spin back along the wall and fall, splayed on her belly with front legs out and scrambling to get up.  Now she is galloping head-long and hell-bent toward Tenaya and me.  Damn.  Her lead rope gets caught in the pen and she pulls 2 or 3 of the 5' high pen panels to the ground. Cheyenne is galloping low and stretched out toward Tenaya and me.  Tenaya begins to dance, unsure of where to go. I'm trying to hold her lead rope and figure out when to let go and climb the pen I'm next to, letting her fend for herself.  Cheyenne swerves in front of us and comes to a sudden stop twenty feet away near the field gate. Tenaya is snorting in a way I've never heard - a slight and rapid, high-pitched sound.  I stroke her neck to calm her.

Meanwhile, Mona and Sharon are assessing Cheyenne from afar to see if she's been hurt. She picks up her left front hoof a few times but then I see her pick up the right forefront, too, so she's had weight on both.  They determine that, for now, she seems okay and they'll let her be still.  They turn to reassembling the pen panels. Mona asks if I'm okay and says something about dealing with the unexpected.  Later she'll ask me if I saw Cheyenne leap over the panel on the ground.  Nope.  I only saw the panels crash and a wild and frightened horse come racing my way. Yep, I'd call that a bonafied 10!  Sure wish I had a video of that. What a way to end the week.

Had there been others at the clinic this week, we all would have been assessing our individual horses and ourselves. But I was in an unusual place of being the only person in the clinic. I had worked with a few different horses so didn't necessarily see a difference in them.

But I do know that I have changed by my fantasy becoming reality.  I've had the opportunity to feel the barn, it's smells of hay and manure, learning that servings of hay are known as flakes, hearing  neighs and brays and barks, crunching of hay and feed, watching one horse (Fire Fox?) be bullied by his neighbor when he comes back to his stall, witnessing Brave Heart patrol his barn, schlepping hay bales to storage, seeing up close the difference between halters and bridles, seeing an intake to the Rescue, choosing a curry comb over a soft comb, getting a horse to let me hold and pick their feet, watching Grant the Mule aka Houdini of the barn flaunt his independence.  I've listened and learned from two knowledgeable women.

And it used to be that when I saw a horse, I'd feel cautious but at ease to go to them and pet them.  To do that with these horses just felt wrong.  Disrespectful.  These are captured wild horses in various stages of gentled after abuse in their round-up.  And these are rescued domestic horses, most abused and neglected.  Given those circumstances, I take no risk or liberties with them. Build trust, earn respect.

The day is wrapping up with watering and feeding, putting the two cats in their pens for the night. It's almost good-bye.  Feels strange to spend so much time with these women and their horses and then go back to my horseless world. There's a Mustang event in Mass in a few weeks and I can hang out with Sharon, Mona, and Judy.  They'll soon be hosting the annual Inter-tribal Pow-Wow on the Rescue land. Then there's the 50th Anniversary of the legendary Ford Mustang fundraiser for the Legendary Wild Mustangs of the West on September 26. Mona says they run at least one fundraiser a month.  That's a lot of energy to get the funding to help these horses.

After I'm home for a bit, I see this video that Sharon posted now that the new fence is finished.  It's the first time that Cheyenne and Tenaya have been out of their pen and loose, able to run on grass.  For Cheyenne, it may be the first time since she was captured in 2000. What a beautiful thing.

Thursday, July 16

Today I would have liked to spend time with Phoenix and Destiny again to follow-up on what seemed like a connection made but today Mona has me working with Captain. Nice enough horse but maybe it was the ground work that I found boring or frustrating.  I was learning to drive him with two reins as if we were with a cart.  Mona told me when I want to guide him through cones on the ground or to make a turn, that I should look where I want to end up and move my hands as though I were riding a bicycle.  Didn't seem the same as a bike and mostly I swung wide and missed the cones.

Sharon and I both longed him but again. I didn't have the concept down. You need to get their shoulder in a certain place and then twirl the end of the rope to get them moving while leaving slack in the other hand--and walk forward rather than backwards which is the direction I was moving because Captain kept coming closer to me because he is confused about what I want - so am I. If I "ask for his shoulder" what does that really mean, yet knowing that I want him to turn?

Later in the afternoon I groom Tenaya and then work her some but couldn't do any better with the longing.  Mona is adamant that Tenaya can do lots of things, unlike the write up by the previous owner about her abilities and personality. She's sweet and wants so much to please you and feels like a failure when she doesn't get it or understand.  Kindred spirits she and I!

I told Mona that I was feeling teary today.  It first happened when Chris Lombard the trainer was working with Koal. Chris had trained him pre-adoption over two years go and today found him to have matured and that "his ground work is impeccable." Koal seemed happy with Chris who really got him.  After the ground work, Chris put his weight on his back in increments to see how he would respond before he slid up and rode him bareback. Chris said he could tell that Koal felt a little weird with that, maybe because he's used to a saddle. Chris was paying attention to eyes, ears, muscle tensing, head, neck - the whole body language.  Chris said he'll make a great horse for someone.  Since I had teared up watching them together, Sharon may have, too, I asked Chris, "Why don't you take him?" There's a few reasons why it won't work for Chris right now.

Then Chris worked with Brave Heart 'cause Lydia was having trouble with him.  Chris says that Brave Heart is a very confident horse.  "If the horse doesn't want to work with you in the way you want, work him in a different way so that being with you is easier." He said, "Submissive is the classic word but I don't like that word."  I think acceptance is a good substitute.  Chris is both a horse and a people trainer.

Chris moves on to Cheyenne who I was told he loves.  He'd adopt her if he could.  He was really pleased with her and said Sharon has done great work with her. They've been working on clipping the lead line to her halter and sometimes it goes well and sometimes not.  Mona says she still holds onto her independence and Mona loves that about her.  She still spooks through gates although this week Sharon was able to lead her through at a walk into the ring in her pen.  Other times she gallops out the open gate all in a frenzy.  

Chris spends a lot of time moving and shaking her halter as though he's putting it on over and over so she learns that he won't hurt her face.  He also does a little trimming of her hoof to get her used to having her feet handled so the farrier can properly trim them.  Horses need their hooves trimmed or they can run into big trouble.  I think in the wild, the terrain naturally trims them.  Chris showed Sharon other ideas about working with her but said, "Don't copy me 'cause you need to find what works for you."

So much of what he said is transferable to other aspects of life.  Things I know but it feels good to be reminded again.  Good to see how things that apply to horses applies to babies, children, peers, work place. Relationships.  Trust and respect.

Chris finishes up with Mona at the picnic table.  As he's leaving, he and I shake hands and I thank him for the opportunity to watch him work. I join Mona and Sharon who are leaning on Brave Heart's fence. Mona hands me a signed copy of Chris' book Land of the Horses. I'm touched and grateful for the gift and feel teary. I think I'm also aware that tomorrow is my last day at the Rescue.  Live in the moment, Eileen!

Mona tells me that they all have read it and most read it through once just for the story and then read it again to get the lessons.  I'm shocked to read that Chris did not grow up with horses as I had assumed.  He came to horses after a break-up and has learned from the horses to be a whole and better human.  There is no hidden agenda with horses.  What they feel is what you see.  People need to be transparent with them as well to build the trust.  Vulnerability.  Trust and respect.

Chalupa and sidekick join us for lunch and beg
from Lydia and Sharon. 

On my own for dinner, I grab takeout at Goldthwaite's, drive back to the public beach, pull off my boots, and slide my toes in the sand as the waves roll in.

Wednesday, July 15
Started out today with Phoenix and Destiny.  I've only seen them in their pen outside the barn and paid little attention to them, along with most of the horses here.  Mona said in the video that they have over 30 horses and are set up to have 20 something. So many and so little time.

So the plan is that Sharon and I will try to groom and massage them with oils.  Sharon is already in with them and asks if I'm coming in.  "Um, sure" I say, feeling tentative.  I know nothing about these two but have a bigger sense of wild.  Sharon tells me to stand behind her and near the pen fence.  Phoenix can tend to turn fast and prefers to kick while Destiny can be nippy . . . oh, and Destiny thinks it's all about Destiny.   Okay, will do.

I'm watching as Sharon approaches them.  Destiny side-steps, whirls away and keeps away despite repeated attempts to connect.  This is, after all, about gentling them so that they can interact better with the human world that has invaded and violated their horse world.

Of the two, Phoenix is more amenable.  I let them smell my hands.  Sharon has Frankincense and Peppermint oils.  Frankincense is good for soothing and calming, kind of an aromatherapy treat.  "Rub a few drops on your palms and see if they like it.  They'll move away when they've had enough."  Sharon suggests I get out the peppermint and let them smell that on my hands. They smell the peppermint and like it enough that they're ready to eat the bottle out of my hands. I make a fast exit from the pen when these two animals are crowding me wanting what I'm holding. Sharon tells me the basics in opening the gates -- always inward, toward the horses.  Yep, got it.  Too easy for them to run out and over me.

Outside the pen, Destiny really wants nothing to do with me unless I pick grass for them.  At some point I dare to come back in. Sharon does a little light grooming on Destiny and suggests I stand next to her and just deftly take the brush and slide in like I belong there.  Destiny notices the hand-off and moves away.  So much for deftly. We try it again with the same result so I decide not to push her.

I try brushing Phoenix while massaging her spine.  She seems to tolerate me and my touch so I begin to soften my body, trying not to be tense, knowing she could suddenly not like something I'm doing.  I'd guess she's close to 16 hands, chestnut, with bony hips still needing some weight.  I brush her gently, happy that I now know the difference between a curry comb and the other accoutrements.  Mona has a clear preference for the soft rubbery, non-metal combs.  I'm going to skip the brush for mane and tail because they can be rougher and I'm told the sound of it brushing through their hair can bother them.  I just use the softer brush and hold each section like I would my own curly hair so it won't pull.  I stop and massage her spine from between her ears, the poll, and along her neck and back to her rump.  I don't find out until I'm writing this post that, in fact, her spine doesn't run along the top of her neck but actually runs down the side of her neck. Go figure.

 

We were both relaxing a bit when Destiny dares to come close and shoves her nose between me and Phoenix.  I'll have whatever she's having.  I played the game of ignoring her enough that I'm suddenly feeling like the cool kid on the block -- but not too cool.  She could still bite, kick, run me over, push me into the fence, etc.  But I talk to her like I had talked to Phoenix and am allowed to rub her neck.  Before I know it, I'm brushing her.   Destiny stays.  So, I keep brushing, talking softly and brushing lightly.  I try a massage on her and she seems okay with what I'm doing.  I don't do an extensive grooming because I have no desire to try to pick up her feet or to mess with her mane.  Just keep doing what she seems to like.  She gets to the point where she lets her neck hang low and puts weight on three legs, a sure sign of relaxation and ease.  Once in a while she'll stamp her hoof to shake the flies.

Sharon is videoing me grooming Destiny and shows Mona later.  They are impressed and later I ask Sharon why, curious for any morsel of "good job."  According to Sharon, Destiny is possibly one of the wildest horses they have.  Few volunteers work with her.  And the fact that she didn't react to me flipping a piece of her mane was impressive, too. . . so glad I didn't try to comb it.  So, I come away from that experience feeling that I've connected well with Destiny.

We hear Mona call us asking if we're ready to start working with the therapy horses and reminding us to drink water.  The therapy horses are old or lame and, after grooming, need to be walked in the ring and led through obstacles so they'll lift their legs and keep the muscles and ligaments moving.  We're working with DJ and Drifter.  Thirty year old DJ is a registered Quarter Horse who used to be in shows and did kids lessons, one of the few non-mustangs.  "Now he's old and sometimes grumpy and people let him get away with things and you shouldn't."  Oh, and he may kick.  Then there's Drifter who tends to both bite and kick.   Sharon asks who I want to work with.  "Neither," I say.   "Let's let them choose" she says.  The communicator throws the question out there and in a few seconds, DJ walks over to me.

Hmm, so how do I do keep DJ from being grumpy?  And he's one of the bigger horses. Mona tells me if he starts backing up or moving around when I'm trying to groom him that I should walk him out a few steps and back to the approximate X where he should be standing.  DJ and I dance for quite a bit but eventually he decides to stay put while I groom him.  Cleaning his hooves is a different story.  He keeps making the start of a kicking action so Mona helps me with him. If grooming feels good to them, why is it a challenge to get them to stand still for it?

Then it's time for his actual therapy, walking and easy obstacles.  He's "heavy" to lead unlike the feather we look for so Mona changes his halter to a thinner rope halter that he can feel better and mostly it makes a difference in his response to me.  I walk him on the higher side of the raised bar so he'll have to pick up his feet a little higher -- more bang for his therapy buck.

And me, I'm supposed to be learning to walk with my head up and looking ahead to where I want us to go.  Walk like you have every expectation that you know where you're going and your horse is coming with you.  Don't get ahead of your horse.  Walk next to their head and hold the lead about 6 or so inches from the halter.  Sometimes it feels right. Often I'm ahead in my effort to feel confident.    Mona is off to some other chores . . . and she may just be giving me space so I might find my own confidence. 

Meanwhile, Sharon has her hands full with Drifter.  He's trying to turn and bite her when she does his hooves and he's going for broke with kicks as well.  Emotion is not supposed to enter our interactions.  That's hard.  How can you keep fear and frustration at bay?  Eventually, Lydia comes out to help and between the two of them they get his hooves cleaned.

The thinking, as I understand it, is that Sharon needs to work with this horse again tomorrow and says "I don't want to be afraid of him."  She needs to be successful in getting this task done.  Same thing with the horses when they are asked to accomplish the obstacle course or other ground work.  They need to feel that they have succeeded in what they've been asked to do.  If there have been numerous tries, it may not be perfection but the closest they next come to success is a win for the day and they are praised heartily and the session ends.  Everyone needs to come out of the deal feeling safe and well.  Trust and respect.

Early on, Sharon told me that she used to be afraid of horses though now I can't recall what brought her to the Rescue. I'm reminded of the fear she has overcome whenever I see her working with various horses in their moments of resistance or fear, handling them with confidence, determination, knowing, care and love for them, especially for Cheyenne.

We break for lunch in the crammed little shed that once was the office but over the years of expansion, now serves many functions.  With the new barn, there will be a proper office with all things in their places, a proper intake area to assess new horses and administer to all the horses, and classrooms for vet students, a new partnership to begin this fall.  Mona says they hope to have the barn ready by November because the oldest existing section likely won't make it through the winter. Donate if you can!

After lunch we decide to play with Cheyenne and Tenaya again.  I hold open the arena gate while Sharon leads Cheyenne who walks easily through the gate and into the arena - totally unexpected.  Sharon unclips Cheyenne and she and Tenaya are loose for a while.  Mona thought it a smart idea to get Tenaya penned before trying to catch Cheyenne again.  Sharon had to chase Cheyenne down and eventually she allowed herself to be caught.

It was time to groom and massage them, continually keeping them accustomed to being handled gently.  Apparently it's customary to groom a horse before riding.  Tenaya was trained for riding by her previous owner who gave her up to the Rescue.


I was feeling at ease with Tenaya because she relaxed visibly as I talked to her and massaged her.  I picked her front hooves but waited for Mona to show up rather than try her hind hooves and tail by myself.  I think Mona was hoping I would have.

Then Mona says it's time to clean their "private parts."  Really?  Apparently their udders and teats can have some of the same problems as the male sheaths. Mona felt around on Tenaya first and then asked Sharon if she thought Cheyenne would let her try.  Only one way to find out.  Then Mona asked me to feel up there on Tenaya.  With or without a glove?  Well, no glove 'cause we aren't
really going inside anywhere.  So, there I was feeling around on her very soft udder and two teats and yep, there were clumps of dirt and whatever stuck there.  "Don't try to dislodge anything until we put this solution on to help dissolve it." Okie Dokie.  They both took our administrations with nary a shudder!

Oh, and here is a picture of Cheyenne's very cool striped tail!

Now it's time to walk them around the arena and through obstacles.  Tenaya responds really well including the half halt,  something Mona explains but I forget now.  She says several times that you need to be able to do ground work well before getting on a horse.  You wouldn't drive a car without knowing where the pedals are and what they do. I'm supposed to get her to walk over a wooden bridge and there's an art to making that happen that I never manage.  Any horse that I take over it might put one or even two feet on it but mostly side step it.  It's about exuding confidence and them trusting that you won't ask them to go anywhere harmful . . .  I fail miserably.

But, Tenaya walks the pipes well and I lead her through the hanging ropes that brush their faces to get them used to being out on a trail with hanging branches or leaves. She's a trooper. But I confuse her when I'm trying to get her to turn her hindquarters or ask for her shoulder so she'll move in a particular direction. I'm not real clear on the front part and feel like I'm confusing her.  Poor thing.  I don't have a clear understanding of the concept and leave that experience feeling deflated.

Time to take off their halters, open the gate and they charge through to their home pen.  It's still a thrill to watch them move.

In the few free moments I find, I check out things hanging in the barn including the poster that depicts the Freeze branding code.  Freeze branding is the alternative to branding with a red hot iron.  While there may be some discomfort, I assume there is no comparison to burning hair and skin with a hot iron.  Freeze branding has angle codes used by the BLM (Bureau of Land Management) to decypher the information about where and when a horse was captured, their age, and lots of descriptive details of a horse.

Time for a few chores before Mona cuts out for a meeting.  Sharon and I try talking over essential oils again that they need to order while waiting for Lydia to arrive to close up the barn.  We water and feed and she throws down hay bales from above that we schlep to the hay room.  Tomorrow Chris the trainer is scheduled.